The pillow still smells of you

But you’re long gone by now

I probably shouldn’t care

But why can’t I sleep at night


Should I…

Do you sometimes think of me
Or only when you need something
Someone to satisfy your needs
I often wish it wasn’t me
That you picked out of the crowd
After I shamelessly offered myself
To you, to us
For lust
But never for love
I think I wanted to cross that line with you
For me, myself
For love
And never for lust
But I was never good enough
You wanted more
Different women
Different days
Every fucking day
Should I stay
Or should I go…

A Scene in the Bedroom

Barely awake you tell me
That I should let go
That’s it time
Time for us to move on
That this has all been a mistake
That I should forget about it
You’re so funny when you’re hungover
Yet you are so serious
Did you lie awake all night
Did you practise this in your head
Over and over and over
How did I react in all your scenarios
Did I cause a scene
Did I cry and try to hold on to you
Did I even give a shit
Or did I leave without saying a word
Did you feel relieved
Did you feel free at last
So I get up and get myself dressed
With a bitter taste in my mouth
I am speechless and feel disrespected
Who the hell are you to kick me out
Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do
Who the fuck are you really
Why should I even care

We Could Have…

We could’ve been in love
Living in a big house
Talking about getting married
Having kids, and settling in
But would that be enough
For the both of us?

We could’ve been in bed now
Just you and me, and all my secrets
But instead, i’m right here
At the other side of town
Alone but quite happy
Cause you’re not around

We could’ve been together
You and me with a ring on my finger
You even bought a fucking house
So that we can start a family
Despite my needs to be free
Tell me, can you live with me forever?

We could’ve talked things out
But you were always a bad listener
Or maybe I never really talked much
Or maybe I didn’t really care
Or maybe you didn’t care enough
I guess it doesn’t matter now

A Tale of Lost Friendships

You thought you could change me
Tame me, just a little maybe
You thought you could be the one for me
But that’s what he thought too, so convincingly

Yes, I held your hands in mine
Told you sweet little lies
Even kissed your lips, looked you lovingly in the eyes
All lies, lies, lies, messed up lies…

Lies I told myself a hundred times
Convinced myself we could share a life
But it somehow didn’t feel allright
Now you hate me and I tell myself it’s fine

I said I was sorry, while you felt sorry for me
Now I can’t look you in the eyes normally
Without feeling judged, without feeling ever so guilty
But in all honesty, I feel nothing inside of me

I’ve lost you and everyone seems to pick your side
They seem to love you even more, why
I guess these friends were never mine
So this is goodbye, for good this time

Let the Fuck Go

I admit, last two weeks I’ve been through hell
Going through every single scenario that I could think of
But I just couldn’t help myself
Enough is just never enough

I’m glad you made the first move and reached out to me
But honestly what good did it do me?
You poured your heart out, but I couldn’t
I shouldn’t.. I finally didn’t

You want me to be happy
I said we should just forget about it
Cause you’ll never be with me
So, here’s another piece of my heart wasted